There is no ‘right’ answer.
Melbourne, Australia
There is no ‘right’ answer. This isn’t a test. This is life. An open field full of possibilities. Beyond the illusions of the mind and the impositions of society, there is no left or right, right or wrong, good or bad. There just is. Depending on your mindset, that could either be the most liberating realisation or the most terrifying.
Full disclosure - this week was one where I pushed it. Training everyday. Eating healthy. Working long, focused hours. Maybe it was the fact that I wanted to impress the WHOOP band that I finally got. Either way, I pushed it so far that by the time Friday came around, I was questioning a lot of different things in my life.
Not because they deserved to be questioned but because I was exhausted. Sometimes the challenge of having such a big capacity, means that I push it beyond what I should and then it eventually catches up with me. That’s what happened this week and it wasn’t pretty. Lying under a tree on the foreshore of Coolangatta beach while talking to a friend and coach, I realised I had burned the midnight oil just a little too far.
But, you know when you just love your work so much that you can’t not work?
That was one of these weeks. We launched a new skiing retreat in Japan called FLOW and I was so excited to get it out into the world, that I probably pushed it there too - proud parent moment, just wanted to see this new baby of mine shine in the world.
Something deeper
I wondered, is there something deeper going on underneath all of this? Something that is driving this behaviour to push beyond my limits (disclaimer: I used to give myself serious migraines every 6 months or so because I’d push it so far). And then, through an incisive question from my friend and coach, Lauren, it became clear.
“What would you do if you didn’t have to prove yourself Matt?”
Ouch. Gut punch. Straight to the core of it. And I realised, there was still a part of me trying to prove myself as worthy and good enough in the world. This part of me was still driving and pushing me to be good enough to get recognition. Damn. Damn. Damn. I thought I’d sorted things out with this part long ago? But, as I’ve learned over the years of doing this work, there are always new parts to meet and they often evolve and shapeshift. The point isn’t to eradicate our parts, but to embrace them, every time.
Once again, this wasn’t a problem in my external world, this was a something unresolved within my inner world.
“I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know any other way to be.”
As we pulled on this thread together, more of the story of this part was revealed. I felt like I’d sobered up from the whirlwind week that was. It was time for a crappy Netflix Christmas movie (Carry On) and some rest. Unsurprisingly, the world started to correct itself after a good sleep and some beautiful time connecting socially (thanks Cool2BeConscious).
How do we shift?
So how do we move from proving ourselves through our work, to creating instead? Clearly, I’m still trying to work that one out! But, what I have found so far through my own work (this is not the first time this has happened), is that when we detach our worth from our work, we set ourselves free to create what we truly want.
When our worth is attached to anything external to us, the stakes get raised. When we can detach our worth from the external thing and connect to a feeling that we are good enough as we are, we can do what we like. This isn’t a one and done method though, it’s a daily practice.
There is nowhere to get to. No magical place of completion. There is just the process of life unfolding over time. Rather than fight with life to find these pieces of worthiness, if we can sit back, rest and realise we’re already good enough, then we can free ourselves to create from a foundation of true worthiness.
Not only does it take the pressure off, but it makes life and work enjoyable and makes us magnetic to people and the world around us too. That seems like a much better way to go.
