It’s time we start giving a fuck again.

Melbourne, Australia

They say not giving a fuck is the way to go, these days. But an interaction with a delivery driver taught me otherwise recently.

It was the middle of the day and I was working from home. He drove up the driveway and mindfully dropped off a new book on my doorstep. I stepped outside and gave him a quick, genuine thank you for his troubles. “My pleasure mate, have a great day!”

My heart melted. I could feel the warmth in his heart and the gratitude from both us to have had a minor but heartfelt interaction.

‘Have I been doing it wrong this whole time?’ I thought to myself. Has not giving a fuck, fucked up my life? What if… the way forward was actually to give a fuck? Was actually to deeply care?

And, I decided in that moment, that it truly is.

So how did this idea of not giving a fuck make its way into modern culture anyway? How did we, the human race, get to the point where we thought this was the way?

A very obvious and real place it started was with the publishing of Mark Manson's book, 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.' This book has sold 20 million copies worldwide, been translated into 65 languages, and made into a film as of 2023. It sparked a tsunami of similar books and movements. There's no doubt that the idea of 'not giving a fuck' has permeated pop culture and affected our collective consciousness.

What’s most interesting to me about this book, is not the contents itself (although I did enjoy it), but the fact that it took the world by storm so much. And continues to. Why?

I think it comes down to 1 simple principle. We learned to trade authenticity for attachment as young people, but many of us never unlearned it.

As kids, we learn to trade authenticity for attachment. It helps us maintain bonds that keep us safe and meet our needs. This is not a dig at our parents, this is more to speak to a basic human survival instinct. This sacrificing of our authenticity becomes heightened as we start school and is especially ramped up in high school.

The desire to fit in at high school drives us to behave in ways that are often very far removed from who we truly are. Not only that, anyone that does choose to ‘be themselves’ in the high school environment is often labelled as a nerd or a geek or just different and is cast out of the group or to the edges of their year level.

Our survival instinct to belong overrides our deeper desire to be our true selves. But it doesn’t have to stay that way.

Eventually, we realise how tiring it is to trade our authenticity for attachment. We tire of putting others' needs before our own. Not only that, we start becoming more attuned to just how mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting it is to people-please all the time (I highly recommend read anything from Gabor Mate to learn more on this).

The reason Manson’s book and idea has been so popular is because people have become exhausted by being stuck in this authenticity v attachment paradigm. We are, individually and collectively, ready to become our most genuine, authentic selves. And, Manson provided a clear way out - but it’s not the complete answer.

A bird needs both wings in order to fly, and it’s time we balance out the ledger.

So to all the “not giving a fuck” devotees, I say fuck not giving a fuck.

We have had too many years of being withdrawn and hiding behind fences or screens. It’s time we let the walls down in our lives and in our hearts. It’s time, that we actually do the complete opposite. It’s time for us to start giving a fuck. It’s time for us to truly care and to courageously share out authentic selves with the world.

There is so much suffering in the world, and so much of it can be solved simply through care and connection. Real, human, connection. It’s not rocket science. It’s a simple human principle, and connection and community is how we got here. It’s how we created this.

You’re here. I’m here. We’re here and we’re all going through this wild experience of life together, and it’s time, that we come together, not withdraw further into our screens and bedrooms.

It’s time for us to give a fuck. To deeply care and invest in each other. To speak and live from our hearts. To risk getting hurt and to risk hurting in return. To put it on the line. To allow the magic of life to unfold. To deepen the relationships we have with ourselves and with each other.

It’s time we throw ourselves into life with everything we’ve got. To say a heartfelt thank you. To slow down and genuinely ask each other how they are.

We can say fuck it and follow our truth in the same breath that we can say I love you and genuinely care.